relationSHIP

RelationDance/Game

The One RIGHT way MMKES

Infinite ways (limited only by our creativity and integrity)

Looks like MMKES = good. Deviates from MMKES = bad, deviant

The Form that relating takes is unimportant, mutual fulfillment of players is all important.

It is consistent with dominant, conventional culture

It is “outside the box, unconventional, new and novel

Fixed/Rigid, By the book

Undetermined/Flexible, Creative

If one of us is right, the other must be wrong, right/wrong

Each of us has the right to want what we want, right/right

Unconscious and Implicit Expectations

Conscious and Explicit Rules

Unconscious issues are difficult if not irresolvable

Conscious issues are manageable and easier to resolve

The values the participants are seeking are assumed

The values are explicit, negotiated, and agreed upon

Chance /Inherited/Hand me down

Choice/Designed/Invented

What it “should” look like is Pre-scripted and Prescriptive

The form and values that are pursued are co-created by the players

Play out known Roles, fulfill cultural expectations, Dramatic

Play by Rules, Adventure and Discovery, Improvisational

One size fits all, Off the shelf

Custom tailored, Made to order, Built to Fit.

Adapt Self into SHIP

Design Dance around Self

Square Peg into a Round Hole, Old bottle, new wine

New container to provide support for “new” man and woman

Replicates culture through Self, Culture shapes self

Self expresses itself through relating, creates new culture

Shoe doesn’t fit, blame foot

Shoe doesn’t fit, get new shoes

Conservative/Predictability/Stability valued

Creativity/Authenticity/Passion valued

Repetition/Replication valued

Dynamic/flexible valued

fidelity to conventional roles is good, deviation from it is bad

Trusting and Expressing our Truth is good, Selling out our Truth for convention is bad

Avoid danger, Don’t rock the boat, Don’t “upset the SHIP”

Experiment, Explore, Test the waters

Works best with people who are satisfied to conform to expectations

Works best with creative people who are curious about what is possible

WE before YOU before I

I before YOU before WE

Obligation, Duty, Expectation, Should, Need

Freedom, Choice, Self-fulness, Can, Want

Lose/lose, Lose/Win, or Win/Lose

Win-win or no deal

Self sacrifice

Self respect, Self expression, Honoring the Self

White lies, “saving other”

Authenticity, Bring Reality to the Dance

Dependence, Co-dependence, Counter-dependence

Independence, Interdependence

Problems are the Problem

Problems are the Solution

Conflicts and Upset feelings are Problems/Threats

Conflicts and Upset feelings are Opportunities to develop Self and/or the RelationDance/Game

Disagreements and conflicts lead to victim/righteousness and resentment

Disagreements and conflicts lead to the culpability process; improve quality of play, or fit of rules

“Different” is bad/wrong/weird

“Different” is opportunity to grow/learn/explore new and next

Dropped context / In a trance

Kept context / Trance-end-dance

Form creates Expectations creates what we “should” value

Person’s values creates Rules; Form is built around Rules.

Approach SHIP with deadly Seriousness / Grave

Treat Dance/Game with Appropriate Importance / Sportspersonship

Should already know how to do it right

Constantly learning/experimenting on how play more beautifully

Destination focused, Success

Quality of experience focused, Happiness

Focus on external form (future), Try to make form look like the ideal, best possible, perfect

Focus on Internal values (present) / Increase valuable experiences, best available, beautiful

Pursuit of happiness, Relationship

Happiness in the pursuit, Relating

Become complete through relationship, End

Start complete, Beginning, Celebration of Self

Success measured through Longevity, fidelity to MMKES

Success measured through amount of passion, love, joy and intimacy